“The possibility of stepping into a higher plane is quite real for everyone. It requires no force or effort or sacrifice. It involves little more than changing our ideas about what is normal.” – Deepak Chopra
When I was a young girl, I often felt as if I was not normal. It wasn’t that I had a noticeable birth defect or considered myself ugly or stupid, though. My feelings likely stemmed more from a sense that I was too sensitive or fragile or in need of protection and couldn’t stand up for myself. I had an older brother who sometimes was tough on me, yet I loved him dearly. He was my protector against the bullies in the neighborhood. Still, I wondered why I didn’t feel normal. My quest to achieve what I considered to be normal took many years. Maybe some of these hard-learned tips can help others learn how to feel normal, or normal again.
Let go of preconceptions about being normal.
Perhaps the most important piece of advice about how to feel normal again is to let go of any preconceived ideas as to what normal means. Forget ascribing metrics or characteristics or boundaries and limitations to what is possible and what is real, and therefore normal. Instead, expand thought to the point that normal is not constrained, nor is it rigid. Normal evolves, as it should, as nature intended.
Normal is a construct of ideas and changes day to day.
Consider that what we consider normal one day may seem abnormal another time. What seems impossible can be viewed as possible. What never occurred to us before may suddenly pop into our thoughts as an idea that’s tantalizingly accessible and real. We didn’t have a house when I was an adolescent, yet I had school friends who lived in nice homes with big yards. Their life seemed normal, while mine did not. A few years later, however, my parents were able to buy a house and we did have a nice yard with roses and other flowers in neatly manicured gardens. This felt normal. Being able to help my Dad cultivate the roses and peonies (I learned how to graft various kinds of rose bushes together) instilled in me my love of gardening. Today, it’s still one of my passions.
There is no training required to feel normal.
It isn’t necessary to go through physical or mentally grueling tests or regimens to feel normal. Likewise, there’s no need for a mentor or to join a group. A side benefit is that there’s no cost or penalty involved in feeling normal. And there’s also no reason to take mind-altering drugs, alcohol or any other substance to feel normal.
Trust in the simplicity of being true to your feelings.
Normal is not extreme or going to extremes to feel normal. To realize that you’re normal, that you feel normal, it helps to trust in the simplicity of being true to your feelings. Know that you’ll feel awkward and out of place at times, or disappointed, upset, angry, possibly in pain, depending on what’s happened recently, your physical condition, any undue stress or pressure at work, school or home. Know that it’s OK to feel bad sometimes. In fact, it’s a sign that you’re human if you feel emotion deeply during times of grief, tragedy, heartbreak and compassion, as well as happiness, joy, pride and more. Acknowledge what you feel, then go on about your day. In other words, be true to your feelings, yet not enslaved by them.
Create goals and word to achieve them.
I didn’t receive the kind of recognition my brother did and somehow that made me feel like I might lack some innate ability or intelligence. It’s not that I felt stupid because I didn’t. It was more that my brother seemed to always know the right answer. Just ask him. The plus side of this is that I always knew I’d get an answer from him if I asked – and he felt like giving it to me. Still, I saw how he went after goals and I strived to do the same. Each success I earned, however small, boosted my self-confidence and added to my self-esteem. It’s a lesson that stuck with me. Always have goals you’re working toward. When you achieve one, create another to replace it. This allows you to always be forward-looking, motivated and optimistic – all traits that help you feel normal again.
Be good to yourself.
It isn’t being overindulgent to take loving care of yourself. In fact, it’s indicative of a healthy reverence for your overall well-being, a part of feeling normal. Get sufficient rest each night so that you awake revitalized and ready for the day. Eat well-balanced meals. Engage in vigorous exercise on a regular basis. Avoid excessive intake of sugar, fats and carbohydrates, including alcohol and junk foods, for consuming too much can be unhealthy and contribute to jitteriness, bloating, gastrointestinal distress, intoxication, sluggishness and more.
See each day as an opportunity to grow.
What will today bring? If you wake up with this thought – after, of course, you’ve given thanks for the gift of today – you’ll be priming yourself to see what’s good and hopeful in whatever happens. Even if you encounter disappointments and setbacks, they won’t deter you from learning the lessons they contain and seeing opportunities to grow.
Seek professional help if you need it.
None of us has all the answers. Nor do our assortment of loved ones, family and friends. For certain experiences and diagnosable conditions, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), prolonged grief, substance use disorder and others, the only way to regain a sense of normalcy is to seek professional help. Learning how to let go of outdated beliefs and self-perceptions, to learn how to successfully cope with difficult situations or an inability to function through psychotherapy and evidence-based therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization therapy (EMDR), relaxation techniques, mindfulness meditation and others may help restore both functionality and the ability to feel normal again. There is no shame in seeking help. Rather, it is proof of a recognition that you need objective, trusted assistance and that you’re willing to do what it takes to heal.
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This article was originally published on Psych Central.
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